What a day

We are sad to say last night my mom called and told us grandpop cini did not make it through his surgery. I loved him so much and some of my best childhood memories were with him. We went crabbing, he taught me how to make gnocchi from scratch, and my first driving lesson (at age 11) was from him. We knew there was a chance he might not make it through surgery because his heart was so weak, but I was really hoping he would make it. My mom said he was ready and in good spirits going in. I'm so glad we got to say goodbye this weekend and tell him I love him and also tell him about the babies.

When my mom called, I got up off the couch really quickly. I doubled over in pain in my abdomen. It hurt so bad.  I was worried at the time but was able to go back to sleep. I decided to go into work this morning, but walking in I still had a lot of abdominal pain. I started thinking about horror stories I had heard about miscarriages. Of course the first time someone asked me how I was doing, I broke down into tears. Fortunately I work with an amazing and supportive group of women and they immediately picked up the slack and I went home.  Soon as I got in the car I called the doctor and they told me to come right in and get an ultrasound. I have never been more afraid. Geo was in D.C. and couldn't come, I'm pretty sure I gave him a heart attack though. Fortunately he was able to be on the phone when the doctor came in. Immediately the tech said there were 2 heartbeasts. Phew! Talk about relief! I don't remember how they were measuring but Baby A's heart rate was 138 and Baby caught up and heart rate is 132. The doctor, tech and nurse kept saying how perfect they looked. Boy have they done some growing! You can see their heads and body shape. Right now they are back to back and look like best buds :) Needless to say mama and daddy can breathe....for a little bit.  The doctor assigned me to the couch for the rest of the day and thinks I either pulled a muscle or my left ovary is giving me some trouble (which isn't that new).  We also talked about my 12 hour shifts. She wants to see how I feel next week but I could tell she wasn't happy about the idea of me being on my feet for 12 hours. Like I said I work with a great group of people, but I still feel bad for having to rely on them so much. It's surprising to me how infertility has changed my view on pregnancy. I've wanted to be pregnant for so long, but now I want it to just be over. Not because the actual pregnancy sucks but I'm just so worried. I just want to see their faces and know they are ok. Please forgive me for being a nervous wreck for the next 30 or so weeks.

Here are our little one's! They have grown so much in just a week! I still couldn't hear their heartbeats but  I could see the flicker. So cool!!